Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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