Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
