you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
