She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
