I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
