you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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