I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
But break dance skills will only take you so far
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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