I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
