Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
