So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
