Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
