You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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