On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I did not marry a roomba.
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