Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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