went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
