Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
