I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The best revenge is premature balding
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
