i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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