Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
