Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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