Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
