I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
