just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
