Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
