The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
