I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
