It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
