I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
