I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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