dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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