Her vagina should come with caution tape.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
