Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
