I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
