I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
