did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
