Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
