idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
