Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
