turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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