fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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