my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
