OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
