i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
