How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
