Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
