i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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