Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
