Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
