So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
porn star boner night. come get it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
