marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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