Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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