Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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