What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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