You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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