i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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