:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
