That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
