If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
